Monday, August 17, 2015

Sentiments on new school

I am moving in two weeks, and my whole room is in turmoil. There are still pieces of PVC floating all around, paper everywhere, and I haven't even begun to think how I'm going to move my storage of tea and all my house plants.

I never thought I'd get to the school. The exams were really hard, there were so many applicants and it was my second try. But I did get in. I have no idea what I did, but obviously something right - and now I am packing my cups and books and moving even further up north.

I have many sentiments on the matter, and I intend to use this blog post for selfishly gushing about them. I hope it will offer me some clarity when I am done.

First of all, I am nervous. Unsurprisingly. I graduated as a social worker three years ago, worked in the field for three years (and made other bad life choices on the side, too) and burned out twice. That is quite a score for someone who is 25, so I have spent the six months from January to June this year recovering from my previous breakdown as well as rethinking my life choices.

Starting the studies as a game dev means that I will not only manage to choose a career more suitable for me, but also make a conscious choice to turn a dear hobby of mine into a career. It will have upsides and downsides, and the process for that will be long. But, I'd also say it is something I've had coming for quite a long now: I feel less passionate about only playing games nowadays. I have a deep need for analyzing them and figuring out how to make them.

I am also nervous about moving to another city. That, too, is something I've had coming for quite a long time: I don't feel at home in the southern parts of the country as I'm a northern girl by heart, and been looking for an opportunity to move to another city. But it's still a big change; I know nobody from the town and right now don't even feel like getting acquainted with others.

Secondly, I am excited in a good way. I like the idea of finally being able to properly start with a career I feel passionate about and also having some alone time for studies and just trying to find my own way.

Thirdly, I am wistful. Right now I am in a situation where I have managed to secure myself a good, comfortable job with good, comfortable pay, I like my apartment and living with Creli ain't that bad. I have had many conversations with myself about breaking the status quo.

I firmly believe that I am making the right choice in doing so. I work at customer service, and while the job is comfortable, I don't feel passionate about it. If I am to embark on a career, I'd rather want it to be something I am truly into - otherwise I will end up missing chances and maybe even regret.

Something that brings security to my financial worries is the fact that my superior and his boss talked to me yesterday and told me that there is an office in the city where I am moving, and they are looking for part-timers. Their application time ended just before I managed to send mine, but I sent an open application with the recommendations of my two superiors. I was glad to hear that in two month's time I have made such an impression that both of them recommended me without a second thought.

Fourth, but not least, sentiment is worried. My depression has been shit this year and has only recently started to lift. I am worried that it will affect my capability of giving my all to the studies.

However, I am not alone.

Creli will still be here, and Zack and Cloud now live only two hours away from me. My family is the same, as is Katsu, so I will have the option of spending weekend at theirs. I am the type who easily befriends others, so I'd think I will manage to get along just fine with the people who start the same school with me too.

In the face of this change I am nervous, but decisive. I also have a new acquaintance who has promised to help me with C++ (something I need to learn for the school), who goes by the name of Wuff. He is a somewhat new person in my life, but he has turned out to be a really nice person with very helpful tendencies.

In other news, after the wedding our core started discussing that we haven't really played LoL that much anymore together. Cloud got tired with it and my right hand has difficulties dealing with MOBA games, so while we play every now and then, it's not the way it used to be.

We're going to try Tera out just to see how it goes. (I suggested Rift, but the shining candy world of Tera won in the democracy vote.) There will be updates on this as soon as we manage to download the games to our comps!

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