Friday, June 22, 2012

Katawa Shoujo - Rinning

And here's the final post about Katawa Shoujo, featuring Rin Tezuka and her otherworldly problems. Then again, they aren't all that otherworldly, if you've ever gone through something similar, and they are problems only if you look at them like ones.

Something that always makes me really giggle is the end of chapter one on Rin's route. Or, rather, Rin's reaction when Hisao wants to help her with a certain "problem". I'm not sure which one amuses me more: Hisao's happy obliviousness or the fact that it's one of the more practical issues throughout Rin's story. After all, Rin isn't really the type who you'd expect to care about practical problems, but being a girl... yeah.

Made sense. Still took me by surprise.

Rin is a sad character. I talked earlier about how Shizune is detached from the rest of the world due the language barrier and her inability to communicate with others. With Rin it's the same, but still different: with Shizune, people don't even expect her to understand then, because.. well.. she obviously can't. Not unless you use sign language.

With Rin, since she is able to speak and hear normally, people expect her to understand how acting with people works. But she can't. Asking her to provide a "normal", socially acceptable answer to a question is like asking Shizune to answer a question that is presented audibly.

Rin believes she can mold herself into shape she wants to be, but can't decide which shape she wants to be. Maybe she doesn't know what which shape means and things like that. She has even trouble expressing herself with words after all.

There is one reason why I feel so connected to all the girls in KS in different ways, and that same reason is why I feel connected with Rin; I've been diagnosed with dissociative disorder (depersonalization and difficulties with surroundings). It's not severe, so I'm not that much like Rin, but it gives me trouble communicating with words, inability to sometimes understand how people work, difficulties in existing in the world. Feels like half the time I live in some other world than this one.

But I'm coping pretty well. So I'm not really a severe case, nor do I consider myself to be one. Just a sidenote about why I found Rin's route so interesting (I guess everyone has their reasons).

Rin is a solid reminder that each individual is unique, and that the older we get, harder it gets to fully understand someone. I mean, we'd need to know their full lifestory. Everything that ever happened, and everything they ever thought about everything. And still we could misinterpret them. Some people are just easier to understand than the others, just like some people are harder to understand than others.

Hisao doesn't understand Rin, and she knows this. At one point she even tells him that she wished he would understand him, but he doesn't. When Rin tells him that she doesn't want to see him for a while, Hisao thinks it's just "one of her quirks", and goes to see her anyway, which is incredibly disrespectful. Sure, he has some issues regarding loving her and withering away if he doesn't get to see Rin on a regular basis, but in my opinion if you love someone, the least you can do is to respect their wishes.

And not just think "it's okay, this is just one of her quirks, I can do this anyway". Just like forcing a girl on an intercourse, because not putting out is "just one of her quirks". (A bit radical example there, but hopefully gets the point across.) Or, on another way, a girl telling a guy that he can't go out see his friends, because wanting to go out is "just one of his quirks".

Or saying "why don't you even try to belong". It wouldn't make any good to try, because it would not make any more sense even if she tried.

I'm not sure if I like Rin's neutral ending more or her good ending more. Maybe neutral ending, because even when I did say that I wouldn't mock Hisao anymore, he was being an inconsiderate bastard at least half of Rin's arc. And if Rin truly went to follow her own passions and overcame her fears by going back to the exhibition, then I have hopes that she could find someone who just takes her for what she is.

Because all she ever wanted was someone to understand, and accept her the way she was. Or, maybe it's wrong to say she "wanted" that. What I feel is that she needed it. And if Hisao couldn't give her that, maybe someone else could.

is what I think.

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