Thursday, May 24, 2012

Sometimes I wonder what guys see in us.

"You know, when you play MuvLuv, could you promise me something?"
"Sure thing, what is it?"
"Please don't hate Meiya."

".. okay, but why?"
"Because it is not her fault. Try to understand her. And if you need to hate someone, then hate the protagonist instead."

I thought Katsu was avoiding me, since he didn't for some reason reply to any of the messages I sent him during my abroad stay, but today I went to see a card game tournament and met him there. It would appear that this was not the case; instead, he had thought that I'll be staying a longer while (apparently months have 2 weeks instead of 4 in them) and hadn't received any of my msn messages. That combined with his tendency to forget things and not always responding to his messages, it would appear that I was a bit off.

Good to know he's not avoiding me, though.

The past days have been lazy and sleep-ridden; ever since I got back, Marc has been sticking to me like glue, and all my friends have insisted that I see them now when I am finally back. This being combined with that they have school/work during the days, we usually meet in the afternoon or in the evening. And, of course, after I get home, I slump on my pc and start gaming. So the days consist of "waking up early, staying up too late", and slowly but surely it's starting to make me rather tired.

It's not really the finals week for me, but it's the final two weeks before I graduate so it's a bit messy business. Returning the last raports, assignments, and - next week - spending lovely time with my lovely class. Lovely. I hope something urgent and far more nicer happens for me that day, like root canal without anesthetics.

I guess I can't really blame myself though, because I have been, not really slacking off but, concentrating on wrong things, such as cosplay and video games. Still, the unfinished business, stress and lack of sleep cause me to be on an agitated side of life for the moment being.

What every girl like me wants from a relationship.
My first relationship ever was with a guy who freaked out every time I showed anything even distantly considered as "emotions". Me being very emotional and sometimes ill-tempered (back in ze teenage even more so than now)... yeah, it was not a good combination. Self-conscious, shy and fiery - three aspects of mine that made my ex's life a living hell. (He did pay me back in kind, but that's another story completely.)

So either way, I never managed to stop being so "freaking insane" as he kindly put it, and learned that whenever I show or express how I feel, people around me are going to freak out. Based on experience I got from one person. Girls are funny like that.

So how is this relevant to anything? It makes me freak out whenever I get angry, sad, depressed, excited, annoyed, overly happy or hyper, because those are emotions and they freak people out. I realize it's silly to think like that, but what the hell. Can't really help it, so have to live with it.

What makes it stand out even more is how calm Marc is. He very rarely shows extreme emotions (I think most extreme so far has been when I saw him crying one or two times) so of course I'd automatically think that he doesn't like me this way. So of course I'd question: "what do you guys see in us girls?"

I'm a treehugger and I believe problems can be solved, and I...

... spend many of my nights like this.
I tend to rant about subjects that piss me off, and I do it a lot. And sometimes I'd just realize at some point that Marc is staring at me, with this tiny smile on his lips.
".. the fuck are you staring at?"
"I think you are adorable."

So it would appear that he likes me the way I am. That's a completely weird, new and totally alien concept of a relationship for me. It's difficult as hell and makes me feel that I'm not worth of this guy. The guy who comes with me to the dentist and takes care of me for the rest of the day when I'm feeling dizzy and acting weird because of sedatives, makes me tea and breakfast every morning and plays vidya gaemz with me.

He's also jealous nowadays, because I picked up playing World of Warcraft again. So far he still fails to understand why it's imperative that I am not tacklehugged on the bed in the middle of a dungeon if I'm playing mah healer. Attempts to convert him to game with me have so far proven to be futile.

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