Wednesday, May 2, 2012

The kind of guys I hate

I like rainy days, unless I have to work. Rain always makes me feel sleepy and tired, and an ideal way for me to spend a rainy day is to go outside, dance in the rain for five minutes, then come back in, take a hot shower and curl under blankets with a cup of tea. The day is perfect if it never stops raining and you can just play games and read the whole day through.

The sad fact is that I'm at work right now.
The less sad fact is that my boss is out of the office, so I can just sneakily update my blog because it's really pouring down outside. And besides, all the rage needs to go somewhere.

A couple of days back I went to Judy's place for eating and drinking (and general listening to people chatter away in languages I can't understand). The food was great, the wine was good, the evening in general was a success even when all I did was to try my best to comprehend the weird language of this place and stick one or two sentences between the conversations every now and then. I met some people whose names I didn't remember the next day.

There was this one couple (married, facebook told me later) who I got introduced to, but never really talked to them. I think I exchanged... three sentences with the guy, and two with a girl. Maximum of five in total. The girl seemed okay, but as much as I gathered from the guy, he's interested in three things: beer, cars and women. I doubted we'd have a lot in common, which is one of the reasons we didn't end up talking all too much.

The next day he sends me a message on facebook, asking how I am. I respond, of course, and return the question, as I think it is a rather common thing to do in a situation where someone has inquired after your well-being.

After the generalities, he tells me that "it was really nice to meet me" and that I'm a "sweet person". Well, flattered by the compliments (and having noticed that people here pass them around quite generously) I strike up a little chat about how in here people don't really speak English so the language barrier can sometimes be there. We manage to chat a small while about it, until he needs to leave for work. He concludes the conversation with "see you later on fb maybe kiss".

Wait, what?

Seeing that his grasp of English isn't the greatest out there I just decided to shove it to the back of my mind, continuing some work that I happened to have at hand (and that wasn't too challenging for me to get over with). Marc arrived online (he has managed to keep up the running much better than I have) and we chattered a bit about a project we're working on. And, suddenly, a new conversation window appears.

The Car Guy inquires if I have a webcam. No, I don't have a webcam, I'm at work. Inb4 you try anything, I don't have cam at home either. Why do you want to know.

"I miss your cute face."

I sometimes have these hunches about people, and they're usually not wrong. From the very first moment I thought that the Car Guy might be trying to get me play along with his "I'm unhappy in my marriage"-scheme. Then there's the moment when it's no longer "just a hunch", but it turns into "I was right I was right I was right I was right"-feeling, which this time wasn't as pleasant one as it usually is. Everyone loves to be right.

Not wanting to appear rude I gently steer the conversation away from my "cute face" and start talking about his girlfriend and why I think she's really cute as well, hoping that he'd take the hint. No such luck. He continues about the webcam, delivering the most awkward punchline in history...

"I will not make cyber sex with you it's just to see your face until you get back."

Awkward comment is awkward. I respond with what I hoped had been a really dead give-away: start talking about my boyfriend, and how he'd probably not appreciate the fact that some random guy was oogling me through a webcam even if I did happen to have one.
"You think that I'm a pervert?"

My mind screams "yes" in all languages and dialects I know, but I settle with making a remark about what her girlfriend might think about him flirting with other girls. And that she might mind it. In fact, she might even be upset if she found out.
"Its possible but she doesn't know anything."

Shena was not amused.
Also that he "can't help flirting with me" because I'm "just so cute". Blergh. And because he "likes to say the truth" when it comes to stuff like someone like me being so cute. As long as his girlfriend doesn't know it's okay.

If I'd have to name three things my past relationships caused me to hate with passion, the list would be 3) violence 2) dishonesty and 1) cheaters. I went through great mental struggle not to message her girlfriend/wife there and then, but I decided that since I'm an outsider, I won't stick my spoon to the soup. Instead I chose the role of a frigid, cold bitch and stopped responding his messages, save for one "bye" when he finally went to eat.

Marc the kitten was not amused either. (I might have complained him a little bit because the guy was seriously freaking me out.)

"I think it's annoying that he's hitting on you, more annoying that I can't do a shit about it. A bit hilarious to see your reaction though." (At this point my reaction had reached the point where I just repeated "ewww, ewww, blergh, eww" again and again.)

He also told me to tell him that I'm "not interested in worthless dickweeds".


  1. I want to make a reference to an RPG, but I can't think of any good one.

    ...Maybe, "Perversion was super effective!" but Pokemon is too cliche.

  2. You should place his head on a pike and parade it around as a warning to others.

    1. I don't approve of violence, but I find myself weirdly attracted to this idea.