Thursday, April 5, 2012

The map

Hey guys. Anyone remember when I told you about my sense of direction?

> Go to Luxemburg
> Goal: go to a café, grab something to eat, go to shop, buy groceries, go home
> Time limit: 2 hours
> Reach my pocket for the map which is always there (because I can't get around without it)
> ".. no way..."
> Forgot it at home
> Well screw it
> What's the worst thing that could happen?
> After really much of navigating around (mostly for just hoping a strike of luck) find the café
> That italian waitress again
> Stares at me while I try to utter my order in French (end up again just pointing what I want)
> Reach for the bag to pay for the tea and food
> Map is there, in the small front pocket
> Resist the urge to curse

Breather here. My second goal was to go to the grocery store.

> Realize that it would probably have been one of my best ideas in many months to draw a cross to the map where I last found the grocery store
> Now there's none
> Well screw it
> I'll find it anyway
> Hour and a half later come back without groceries, it's getting cold, and I'm getting really hungry
> Wander outside the restaurants until I realize that I'm only not going in any of them because I'm feeling really insecure about my language fluency (since many people here only speak French and German)
> Get pissed at myself
> Go to first shop that comes by after my furious decision of ignoring my insecurities
> Italian ice cream café
> Waiter speaks English.

So yeah. Had one of those days. On a brighter note, my work has now come to a halt for the eastertimes, so I have absolutely nothing to do. A friend and I had plans to meet, but him being the Dutch he is, apparently he can't make it after all. So I'll need to rearrange my schedule and errrrr, do something. Something other than Katawa Shoujo, Patapon or Breath of Fire. Preferably something that involves being social, because, being social is good. And I think I kinda like being social.

Most likely nothing comes up, though, and I'll end up sitting in my room and reading Emi's arc to the very end and starting Hanako. Then I'll sleep out of boredom and start playing Patapon. There, easter gone. Pray to god. Where's my chocolate.

(Actually, I'm off-chocolate right now, because of ze incoming cosplay and all that.)

A friend of mine, Hachiko (who is something like a little sister to me) is actually having the same problem. It's weird how you start to appreciate talking to someone in your own language when your main tool for communication is some language you can use (English) and the rest of the communication happens in a language you can barely understand (German, very slightly French). It is also very tiring.

Today I realized that there are two main reasons in my life why I keep on doing stuff, going to work, studying, earning money and being in the middle of arranging everything. There used to be only one reason, and that was my ex. That story didn't end up too well.

Now there's too. One reason is, very obviously and cheesily, Marc.

"I adore you, I worship you, my beloved, like you should be treated and like you deserve to be treated."

He knows exactly what to say to make me feel all mushy. In top of that, he's not all words, he's more all action. I'm starting to feel my brain getting into soft slushie form whenever he talks to me or is around, which is a feeling I haven't experienced in a good while. He says that I have changed him a lot during the time we have been dating, and into a better direction. I sometimes catch him laughing and asking me "what have you done to me, Shena?" in a warm, sheepish tone.

Well, can't say that I haven't changed as well. I'm feeling more patient. More at peace (and with my ever-swaying thoughts, you can just keep guessing how restless I used to be before this). Not really more confident than what comes naturally for me, but more confident than I have felt after my previous relationship ended. Feels like I love everything more than before. Feels like I love him more with each passing day.

Okay, the mandatory mushiness is now over.

Well, maybe just one more thing.

> Tell Marc about how I got lost today
> He knows about my sucky sense of direction
> "Well, I want to be your compass whenever you get lost."
> "As long as you want that, of course."
> realize how much I love him

Now, off to bed. And to think about what I'm going to do for Easter.

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