Saturday, April 28, 2012

I think that the last six months considered, I've had enough close-ups with death by now. So I can only hope that today was the last one.

My last run-in with thoughts of "so this was it?" was last year's autumn when I just got a high fever out of nowhere and started passing out very randomly. Even after the fever passed, the passing out didn't. I went to hospital's first aid section and the nurse behind the glass asked me to describe my symptoms. As I tried to do this, I started to feel too weak to even sit down, and despite him urging me to go on, I got up (for what reason, I don't know) and fell down, taking the chair with me. Few days at the hospital needle stuck in my hand, and they never did find out what was wrong with me.

Moral of the following story: don't push yourself.

> Not able to go running for few days because it's raining so hard
> Rain stopped - hell yeah, gonna run like no tomorrow
> Step out, it's a really hot day
> I never run with a water bottle, hot day isn't an excuse of doing so
> Start running
> After few minutes notice that it's really tough, muscles screaming and breath being heavier than it should be
> "It's just because I haven't been running in few days, I can take this"
> Walk few minutes, take up jogging again, start feeling really tired and worn-out
> Be a stubborn piece of shit
> Force myself to run after it starts to feel really uncomfortable in whole body
> Suddenly chest tightens.
> An awkward reminder of the fact that yes, for some reason my heart has always been suspectible to flutters, even when every doctor I ever went to said that "your heart is perfectly OK"
> Slow down to walk, the chest continues to tighten and loosen
> Find a bench, lie down
> Breeeeaaatheeee
> ... fuck, not getting any better
> About 1 km from home
> I can totally do this.
> Start walking, stopping every now and then when chest tightens really painfully or need to get pulse/breathing back to order
> Realize that if I fall down here because of some weird issue, even if I would be able to phone someone, I wouldn't be able to describe my locations accurately
> Okayyyy, better be good until home, heart
> and you too, painfully tightening chest
> 200 meters until home
> really painful shot through the right side of chest
> No you won't, not this close to home
> Walk stubbornly onwards
> Neighbours see you walking a bit weird, give you funny looks
> Straighten back, smile and wave
> As soon as they're out of sight, slump again
> Get to the door
> Fucking made it.

So yeah.

Dying would have been kinda an awkward ending for this blog. My chest feels still kinda tight, but with rest it should be all right. Should be? Should be.

So, to anyone out there who might be doing any sort of sports and is stubborn and stupid enough to do what I did:

Take your damn water bottle with you.

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