Friday, March 16, 2012

The insecurities I have

> Cuddle on the bed
> Start casually talking about the future
> Feel the insecurity when he starts talking about family
> "Hey... is that the kind of life you want? With family, safety, love stuff and all that calm staying still?"
> His confused face demands me to explain more
> "Because... I'm not really sure I'm that kind of girl. I can't stay still. I like to travel. I'll probably end up in troubles because one day I'm bound to end up throwing some big shit in some big company's/government's direction. I'm not really the "next-door-girl"-type of girl."
> Marquise gives me a weird look
> "I'm not sure if that's what you want. Maybe you should just find someone else. Someone who's not so rebellious. Someone who just wants to devote herself to the family and husband. Someone who's not a work addict. Someone who's prettier and cuter and calmer and can stay still and not get in any troubles and doesn't want to name her baby girl Aeris. Who accepts you and the world as they are. Someone who is..."
> Rant interrupted when he takes my face in his and kisses me
> "I only want you. Screw the normal life."
> Realize how much I love him

I think one of the reasons I might be so addicted to gaming is because I'm insecure. I think I've come a long way from all the blushing and awkward staggering with words, and actually kind of like myself the way I am, when I'm alone.

That doesn't stop me from being insecure when there are other people present. I'm too ill-tempered to be a constant pleaser, but too insecure not to try to make up for my weirdness and stuff.

On to the gaming!

One of the first pictures I uploaded to this blog was me cosplaying Aeris from Final Fantasy 7. (Random fact: during the whole convention, people wanted to take pictures of me, and I ran into more than one people who said "Please don't die!")

The said game is one of my favorites. Even when it's old, and even when it's a bit... rough around the edges. I like the story and I like the characters. I can forgive a bit of roughness on the gameplay if the story is good. (The materia system wasn't all too bad though.)

Yeah, the gameplay.

I've heard a claim that Final Fantasy 7 is not a game; it's a visual novel. Well, I do admit that it does have a very strong story, which seems to be the driving force throughout the whole game. But "not a game"? A "visual novel"? Katawa Shoujo is a visual novel. Final Fantasy 7 is a game. But that's just my take on the thing.

Character-wise, I bought Crisis Core last summer and loved (and still love) every minute of it. Zack and Aeris are my OTP, and I was glad to see that some light was shed on the matter. (And in case you didn't gather it yet, Aeris was utmostly and absolutely my favourite character out of the colorful character squad that 7 is.) (Red XIII is a very close second, I used to just stroll around Cosmo Canyon and talk to all people in there, because I loved the place.)

I think Cloud was very interesting main character. When I finally realized what the game was actually about (the big plot twist about Cloud) I started to like him even more. I think I might have a thing for guys who are tough on the outside and soft on the inside, because I always seem to fall for them. Also, I've played various FF-games, and seen various Cids, but I think that so far 7's Cid is the most awesome. (Was so glad to have the dragoon-character back. Just like it was awesome to play with Freya in FF9.)

I think that for me, the force that drives me to play a particular game is the story. If not for the awesome graphics, story and the character development is usually the one single thing that manages to move me the deepest. Final Fantasy 7 has a particularly vivid story, and I assume that is why I liked it so much.

Story below is related.
> Watch Advent Children with two friends
> Enjoy all the references to Final Fantasy 7, its plot and its characters
> Halfway through discover that neither of your friends have played the actual game
> "Wha.. wait, then do you understand anything that's going on in the movie at all?"
> "Nah, not really. But it looks cool."
> "...."


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